Crude Observations

Foolish Budget

Look, I know I promise every week I am going to make this a bi-weekly thing and I swear I will do it eventually but there was some pretty big news that happened this week that I feel needs some analysis. And this big news and analysis is distracting me from a number of really important things, namely my in depth first quarter review of my Fearless Forecast (head’s up – it ain’t gonna be pretty) and that thing I do in the office… what’s it called…? Oh yeah – work!


So what was this momentous news bit that happened this week? None other than… (drum roll please) … another Justin Trudeau Minority party spendalicious budget, specifically designed for the middle class and those working to get into it – otherwise known as the formerly slightly upper middle class who continue to work harder and harder only to see their take home pay and financial status eroded by endlessly increasing taxes, inflation and government deficit spending that seems to defy the laws of economics and good sense.


That’s right, in the face of runaway inflation, massive increases in real estate prices, rising interest rates, stagnant productivity, out of control private and public sector debt and a currency on life support, the Trudeau government, in cahoots with NDP (dental plan) thought now was a good time to increase the deficit by some $10 billion, throw around some election season baubles for the masses ($200 GST rebate anyone?), belly up to the green bar and otherwise shit on John Q Taxpayer.


How do I feel about this budget? I’m of two minds. On the one hand, it’s hot mess of festering garbage. On the other, it accomplishes nothing that it purportedly sets out to do.


That said, I did read the whole thing and imagine my surprise to find 10 things I liked! Who knew? I rather suspect some faceless bureaucrat – no doubt inspired by the China foreign-influence whistle-blower over at CSIS – elected to casually slip these little nuggets into the final document before it went to print. I say that because there is no way the economically inept LPC brain trust would have allowed even one of these line items, never mind all 10.


  1. The creation of a non-partisan business roundtable to discuss and implement ways to enhance Canadian business productivity so that we can catch up to at least the productivity standards of the French economy with a goal to have productivity growth better than the United States within five years. Funding for this initiative: $3 million.


  1. The transfer of funds to cities and municipalities to tackle homelessness and build affordable housing. Funding is based on size and is equal to $10 million per 10,000 population. Sure it’ll be expensive, but so is homelessness.


  1. A $10 million prize for the company, individual or organization that in the next three months can put together the best business case for LNG exports from the East Coast and $1 billion allocated to jump start the project.


  1. A permanent reprieve on Federal income taxes for the first oilsands company to solve the remediation of tailings ponds and the exclusive rights to commercialize those processes.


  1. The creation of an Arctic defense force, partnered with the United States to assert and defend (as required) Canadas’s Northern sovereignty. Funding for this force is to be $150 million per year.


  1. Free poutine every Tuesday for life for Canadians named Stuart at the restaurant of their choosing. Budget allocation is $1 million.


  1. In order to actually provide meaningful relief to Canadian taxpayers and have rates reflect reality, the following changes are made to tax brackets. Basic personal exemption is raised to $30,000 (the equivalent to notional Living Wage) and the new brackets are simplified to $30,000 to $100,000; $100,001 to $200,000 at 15%; $200,001 to $1,000,000 at 20% and $1,000,001 and above at 30%.  The government also acknowledges that taking more than a third of someone’s income for any reason is unconscionable and just encourages abuse of the system.


  1. Supply management is ended. Immediately.


  1. A Canadian Energy Task Force, to be headed by retiring Alberta MLA Richard Gotfried, is to be established and tasked with making binding recommendations to the government about the various rules and regulations surrounding large infrastructure development, identifying policy gaps and improving competitive positioning. Budget yet to be established.


  1. In order to actually address poverty issues, the government commits $1 billion a year to provide free school lunches at every publicly funded school in the country for grades K-12. Chef Jose Andres and WC Kitchen have been engaged to advise on creating and running this program.


And in other news this week:


  1. Former President Donald Trump has been indicted by a New York City grand jury for paying off a porn star to keep quiet about some creepy sex tryst in a skanky hotel room in Vegas to keep his election chances alive and using his lawyer at the time as some form of patsy and fall guy.


There you have it. Awesome stuff right!


But guess what?


Joke is on you!


April Fools!


Ha ha!


Except for that Trump stuff. I guess that’s real.


Ooopsie poopsie!

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